Category Archives: Humor

The thing about Angels

So when we hear the word angel what is the first thing that comes to mind:? A beautiful olive-skinned half-naked figure with big white shiny wings and a kind look on its face, a naked baby with tiny wings holding an adorable bow and arrow or a really cute girl (depending on how your mind works). Well the most common reference to angels are in the Bible. From Genesis right to Revelations we find that angels are spiritual beings often depicted as messengers of God. they do things like simply deliver a message to stand  guard by the tree of Good and Evil. So how did we get the image of a beautiful angle in our head?

You just melted there didn't you?

You just melted there didn’t you?

Actually from Paintings! painters took liberties when portraying angels, giving them wings was a visually interesting way to identify who was the angel  in a painting full of regular figures (wings were also used in the early church to denote that these creatures lived in the sky). [1]

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Angels are easier to identify with wings

Archangels like Michael and Gabriel were given contemporary military status, there are more types of angels: Seraphim, cherubim,Chrysolite etc… But if you look in to Bible the writers have done more than record what angels did, but have also noted down the appearance of what an angel looks like, specially people like Isaiah and Ezekiel who actually encountered angels first hand. So according to them angels look like this: The Seraphim

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Seraphim

the seraphim,  have six wings and need all of them to cover their body, lest they blind/incinerate whoever is unlucky enough to bump into one.

Seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet,and with two they were flying. At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. Isaiah 6:2:4.

the Thrones look like this:

Thrones

Thrones

This was the appearance and structure of the wheels: They sparkled like chrysolite, and all four looked alike. Each appeared to be made like a wheel intersecting a wheel. Ezekiel 1:16

and this is that the cherubim would look like:

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cherubim

In Ezekiel 10:14 describes them as frightening four-headed monstrosities that included the faces of a man, an eagle and a lion.

  The cherubim had four faces: One face was that of a cherub, the second the face of a human being, the third the face of a lion, and the fourth the face of an eagle. Ezekiel 10:14

So the next time you refer to someone as an angel…

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Noodles Rap Battle feat Gloria Hewapatha

This is a really really old post I almost forgot about, it’s been in my old blogspot blog and somehow didn’t get migrated here.

For the record, I regret nothing.

So I met Gloria Hewapatha ( @iGLOstar )
on twitter the other day due and discussion about Justin Timberlake’s new song, after all the agreeing and disagreeing was done we started talking about noodles (It’s twitter random shit like this come up all the time) after a couple of tweets regrading how we prefer the meal, this happened:

 ‏@iGLOWstar @rothbourne When fried, I prefer rice, soup is anytime, and instant even if too much two is gd sometimes! *wrote it like a song, yay!!!* 😀

Yep we ended up having a rap battle about noodles and gluttony that went like this:

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GLO When fried, I prefer rice, soup is anytime, and instant even if too much two is good sometimes!

GLO  uh yeah uh yeah Noodles, go get on google,i like em soaking,receipe working for a soupy noodle,keep away ur poodle let em doodle

Rothbourne ah ha ah ha, I’m a fry them real good, make all you fools drool, top it with some bacon strips and eat it by my self!

GLO  eat it by yourself?!/Nigga aint no good for ur health,/u got bacon wealth,/made off a pig’s tail,/u better care to go and share

Rothbourne nobody gonna care if I’m dead, so imma eat em by my self, get fat like the pig I ate, make fun at the skinny kids on skates!

GLO  Pig u ate,fat kids on skates,wen u is dead,aint nbdy gon celebrate,aint that shit cray? true tho yolo,ya betta eat love n pray!

Rothbourne  You only live one, that one is a fact, so make the best count, and get on with gluttony!

The Famous Five

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So last night I couldn’t sleep and ended up wondering what became of the characters from the famous children’s novels by Enid Blyton; The Famous Five. As the hours rolled by and sleep didn’t come I ended up formulating my theory of what became of Julian, George, Dick, Anne and Timmy.

Julian: Julian is working a 9 to 5 desk job and hates his life. He’s married to a mediocre woman who he doesn’t love anymore but stays married because of the kids.

George: George comes out as a lesbian and is shunned by her family.

Dick: Dick is a drunken womanizer who comes into money and sleeps around a lot.

Anne: Anne has written about their childhood adventures and becomes successful novelist. She is possibly cheating on her husband.

Timmy: Timmy died of old age and neglect.

I know it’s pretty morbid, but this would kinda make sense. This is my insomniac version of what became of the now not so famous five. Fun Fact: I didn’t know that Enid Blyton was a woman when I was readings these books as a kid.

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My love life in a blog post

Ever wonder what it would be like if a girl was in love with you (of course you have), here’s what I imagine it would be like:

Initially I would be imagining it, thinking to myself that she’s checking me out and then dismiss the thought telling myself “She’s probably being nice to me, this is probably how she treats all her friends” (This part is true by the way, I do this all the time), what a shame though, would have been nice to have someone pining over me and giving loads of undesired attention (which I will probably enjoy) but then she’ll think I’m interested in her, because secretly she is interested me (this part is usually fictional almost all the time). So I play along with her flirtations because I do enjoy this, she’s such a flirt, she’s good at this. Maybe she does it all the time and I’m not the only guy. So just go with it, she’s not into me. I just want it to be true, because I’m sucker for attention and drama.

But then I have been giving her the attention she wants without even realizing it. She thinks it’s real, that I do have feelings for her and I’ve been leading her on! But it’s too late; she’s already in love with me! She can’t live without me! She’d rather die and now than lose me. I’m giving in. I’m letting her flirt with me and I flirt back, it’s so awkward and it kills me inside, but I do it anyway.

What am I going to do? Tell her how I really feel and walk away completely shutting her out? She’ll blame me for her pain. I finally make up my mind this has gone too far. What if she asks me out! What am I going to do then? Go out with her, marry her and play happy family for the rest of my life with someone who I don’t want to be with?

I feel guilty, she’s doing it on purpose, trying to make me feel guilty and it’s working. She tells me that she’ hates me! That she’ll never trust another man again I didn’t want to hurt her! But I don’t want her either! This is so wired. Why is it when someone loves you it’s not the right one!

If you reverse the gender roles in this and read it again, it’s about how girls would think about me.

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A very personal letter to my future girlfriend

Dear girl who grabs my heart,

Hi, my name is Samuel Johanns Rothbourne Rogers, you can call me Jo but personally I’d love it if you come up with cute nicknames to call each other, also I hope you like the name Rogers because I plan to give it to you one day.

I’m writing this letter to you, because I haven’t met you yet and I am yet to realized how much you are going mean to me. A very wise friend of mine suggested I do this so when I do meet you I’ll remember to look back see how glad I am to meet you, from that silly boy who thought that nothing was more impotent in life than Doctor Who to the man who realizes your worth and loves you as much as he loves Doctor Who, Okay maybe a little bit more… FINE! A whole lot more.

I seriously hope you are a crazy a Whovian as I am or at least  I would be able to convince you to make it apart of your life, I also hope that you don’t mind me being a social media addict and that I spend most of my time in-front of a screen. I really really hope your favorite animal is NOT the butterfly! And I hope you’re not a grammar Nazi( I’ll marry you anyway).

I can’t wait to meet you someday and have my heart explode into a million pieces and have a life changing encounter where I will gain my super power that is to love you unconditionally.

I know you are in God’s plan for me, because I can just feel your voice calling me. I know you’re out there right now unaware that this weird guy who you’re going to love and can’t live without, just you wait. I am waiting for you and just you, so when I do meet you I can just pour out my perpetual love for you and keep on pouring it every day for the rest of your life.

So this is until we meet, keep well and live your life because there will come a day you won’t be able to live without me and I you.

Love always,

Johanns

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Sick

“I cannot go to school today”
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more – that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue –
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure my left foot is broke –
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained.
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a silver in my thumb,
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is – what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is. . . Saturday?
G’bye I’m going out to play!”

Yes, I’m aware this poem is so very irrelevant, but is also very true…well at least when we were so young and schools were a disaster. not that I’m complaining in any way I always loved school in fact I miss it dearly…but of course we all must move on and start life from the next level. I guess Shel Silverstein was just feeling cocky when he wrote this poem, heck! He talks about a little girl who hate school too much she complains about all the bullshit she can think of just to skin school(poor dear). the little runt doesn’t realize its freaking Saturday(now that is an aspect I can relate to….oh! shit its Saturday WTF???) and instead of hanging with the girls and parting all night she goes out to play the boys!!!

“My hip hurts when I move my chin”

Oh come on Peggy Ann McKay get a life or at least learn how to lie like a pro, how the hell is you’re bloody hip connected to you’re bloody chin!!! and if who so ever she is whining to believes her, I have two words for you FACE PUNCH(or two) that’s what you deserve you lousy adult… maybe you do and little Peggy most probably fooled the pants off you all the time, how else would she thing to get away with this crap pot.

In a way I’m proud of Peggy’s insight and with… what other 12-year-old child in the 20th century (assuming that’s what and where she’s from) would be bold enough to go through with all this, if you know what I mean(Of course you don’t).

“My ‘pendix pains each time it rains”

Oh! Please… I’m sure Lady Gaga could come up with better stink. Wait… she has!!! Sorry Peggy you were out done by a weed sucking freak of nature recently, face it that’s how the world rolls,
“It doesn’t matter if you’re thirteen or sixty-five”
To quote Bowling For Soup – High School Never Ends (Improvised version) you in the original version it goes “doesn’t matter if you’re sixteen…” get it???

No!

Never mind.

MOVING ON…

“There is a hole inside my ear”

Duh… you dumb child that leads straight to your brain, guess you’re just shrunk out of existence or fell out of that gasping hole in your very sick ear, this most probably explains why you forgot its Saturday. Some advice for your next birthday (or have you forgotten that date as well) ask for a calendar from who ever looks after you (probably the matron at the mental heath hospital). If you haven’t forgotten its Saturday Mr.Silverstien would have to do through all this trouble to write this (and I wouldn’t be going through all this either).

“My mouth is wet, my throat is dry”

Sigh… someone gives this kid some water or a soda… she doesn’t know the remedy for a dry throat, I guess she doesn’t want to know to know… cheeky little brat!!!

Oh well guess we all need excuses at some point, no matter how retarded and stupid they are…
G’bye I’m going out to play!

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April Fools! It’s Not My Birthday.

First of all thank you so much for the volly of wall posts, texts (I mean whatsapp, no one texts anymore) and phone call wishing me for my birthday which soon turned into cursing and threats.

As you all know today is the 1st of April, commonly known as “April fools day”. So no it isn’t my birthday today. That was a prank and yeah most of you fell for the most basic troll ever.

But everyone who wished did so with love and I can’t not feel bad about misleading you lovely people(who doesn’t know when my birthday). So please accept my heartfelt apology, even though I had a ball laughing at you all. I was going to change it back to normal at noon but now Facebook won’t allow me to change my birthday (Haha… jokes on me now).

For those who caught on early or got it even after a while, good job. everyone else, well APRIL FOOLS! also sorry.

In other news, The How I Met Your Mother Farewell was epic!

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